Links to other Joke Sites:
The Spanish Computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”
A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won!
The Best Patients:
Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.
A Blind Joke:
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things…
1 – The bartender is a blonde woman.
2 – The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
4 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and
5 – I’m a 6-foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., and a black belt in karate and have a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says;
Naaaah . . . not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.
Wait for the page to load. It is worth it. (Caution: Bad Language is used).
Daddy Long Legs:
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top?” she asked.
“That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. “Well, we’re not having any of that gay sh-t in our garden” she said.